ARYEZ WINS ANTICAN ELECTION IN LANDSLIDE!*

*Just Kidding.
NAFTICON – Every three months, the Antican people come from all over the nation to the grand city of Nafticon for the quadrennial (theoretically) Speaker and Judicial Elections. While the Anticans are for the most part considered to be a reasonable people, during the 7-10 day election cycle, even the calmest of citizens are consumed by overbearing feelings of hate, fear, suspicion, and paranoia. Such an atmosphere has often turned what should be the simple affair of an election into a city wide brawl over voter eligibility, candidate legitimacy, and the abuse of power by administrators. The October election has been no different – and it has produced a rather surprising result.

After three prior unsuccessful bids for the seat of Speaker, and an unsuccessful campaign during the last Chancelletorial elections in the Dinarchy of Antica, Foghorn, the Candidate Without A Platform, has finally hit electoral pay dirt. Unlike most of his successful predecessors and even his own prior campaigns, after announcing his candidacy for this election period, Foghorn refused to campaign, participate in debates, make speeches, or announce a platform, claiming that he was “here to flesh out the ballot, and lose.” While his complete hopelessness and resignation to failure seems to have struck a chord with some Anticans, it is not yet clear what effect his platformless victory will have upon the future of Antican Democracy.

Foghorn is expected to take office later this week, once he recovers from the massive shock.